Keeping up Caitlyn Jenner

I spent time this week standing in Walmart catching up on all that is important in the world.  We all have to gather our information about global events somewhere.  The President has the Daily Briefing written by the Director of National Intelligence.  My son, the MBA student, has the Wall Street Journal.  I have the gossip magazines in the checkout lanes at Walmart.

FYI, the president of Brazil has a lower approval rating than President Obama has.  Bed bugs caused a mobile home fire in North Carolina.  And Bruce Jenner, the 1976 Olympic decathlon champion, has become a transgender woman and is calling himself Caitlyn.

It seems that everybody and their Great-Aunt Sissy has an opinion about Bruce/Caitlyn.  What you can not read at Walmart is available on your Facebook feed.  Some lady at the Huffington post says Bruce has been Caitlyn since before birth because gender identity is rooted in the brain.  A blogger who writes about Hollywood life said it’s amazing to see Caitlyn finally living life the way she wants to and thinks she is looking “pretty fabulous”.  Ellen DeGeneres called Caitlyn courageous.  Christian bloggers, for the most part, have responded with temperance and respect.

Amidst the research about the causes of transgender personalities, the affirmations of courage and the promises of prayer for Bruce/Caitlyn, I have a few thoughts of my own.  Mostly, I have serious questions about the situation!  I’m wondering what could possibly make a man choose to give up the 8.45 minutes it takes him to get ready in the morning and take on the grooming chores of a woman?!

Bruce can shower in a minute and a half.  If he doesn’t have an extra minute and a half, he can wash the dried saliva from his face while he brushes his teeth and call his grooming done for the day.

Does he know what Caitlyn will have to do each morning?  Is he prepared to drag her body out of bed 30 minutes before her eyes will open and spend two hours getting it ready to leave the house?  Does he have enough room in his shower for her 15 bottles of beauty washes, shampoos, conditioners and lotions?  Can he shave her legs by touch because her eyes won’t focus that early in the morning?


Will he be able to dry her hair hanging upside down off the side of the bed to give it that bit of extra volume?  Does he have an extra $500 a month to spend on her make-up products?  Can he tweeze the stray hairs from her eyebrows without crying mascara down her chin?

I just don’t think Bruce has given this enough thought!

For the most part, men have no clue what it is like to be a woman.

If you are a man, take a moment to look at your fingernails.  Are they chipped?  Are they nibbled to the quick?  Do they have dirt and grease caked underneath them?  Well, guess what?  Nobody cares!  In the same situations, women have been known to spend their kids’ lunch money on emergency manicures.  Kids can live on two meals a day.

Now, check your feet.  Are your toenails polished?  Do you have nail polish that will match your shirt?  How about your pants?  Can you throw on a scarf to match a color of polish you have?  Do you have other outfits that will match the same polish?  Are you willing to re-polish tomorrow?  You may have to wear closed-toe shoes.   Do you have an outfit that will match your closed-toe shoes?

If you answered “no” to the majority of these questions, . . . YOU DON’T HAVE A CLUE ABOUT WHAT WOMEN DO!

The truth is that men don’t give grooming matters the meticulous, comprehensive thought that women do.

For example, when leaving on an overnight trip, women pack thoroughly.  For us, an overnight stay could require up to six full-size suitcases: one for our toiletries, one for the books we wish we had time to read, one for the clothing we need for every possible occasion, one for the 15 pairs of shoes we need to match the clothing we brought for every possible occasion, one for the shoes and clothing our BFF traveling companions may have forgotten, and one to bring home all the stuff we intend to buy while we are gone.  Men can pack for an overnight trip in a sandwich bag.  A pair of cleanish underwear and the aforementioned toothbrush will just about do it.

Can men learn to think and act like women?  Well, I don’t know.

Can they spend 45 minutes in front of a mirror at JCPenney pondering whether or not the pants they are wearing make their butts look big?  Can they check their hair and make-up in the reflection of photo frames and refrigerator doors without anyone noticing?  Can they sight a chin hair from a hundred paces and pluck that thing with their bare fingertips?

Above all, can they learn to go to the bathroom in groups of ten where they can check their hair, make-up and chin hairs together and help each other decide if their butts look big?


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