Welcome to my front porch! Sit down and take a load off. If you are experienced in porch swinging, are a lover of relaxed conversation or have even a tiny bit of Kentucky in your bloodline, go ahead and kick off your shoes. You and I both know you want to.

If you have come to check up on me and my family, settle in. As much as I would like us to be normal, our stories of absurdity go on and on. Peer through the window and you will see our personal brand of bedlam.

If you are here to see what God looks like from my porch swing, then lean back and rest yourself for awhile. Gaze across the farm until the sun colors Him into the sky.

If you have come because you want to hear the stories in the words of the woman who survived them or because you want to see God as He has shown Himself to me, you should read my Tales Of A Virtuous Woman Wannabe. (Click here to buy on Amazon.)

They are my accounts of the years I tried to please God by emulating the virtuous woman superhero described in Proverbs 31. The tales describe my many domestic wannabe failures with a humor that finds comedy in the chaos.

The virtuous woman keeps a close eye on her family. When my kids were young, I took them places and forgot to bring them home again. The virtuous woman dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. I dress myself in sweats and hold my arms to my sides to keep them from jiggling. A virtuous woman works with a spindle. When I took up sewing, I mostly just learned to cuss.

Yet, every time I stumbled over a standard that is set in Proverbs 31, God was there to pick me up, brush me off and tell me He isn’t disappointed with my failures. Each tale ends with the same message: God not only loves me; He also likes me.

I hope my Tales of a Virtuous Woman Wannabe help you realize that you don’t have to fashion yourself according to a pattern that doesn’t fit in order to please God. And if they make you smile or chuckle or laugh with abandon? Well, that is even better!

It doesn’t matter why you came to visit. I’m glad you are here. I would love to share my porch swing with you. Next time, stop by the store on your way over and grab us both a diet coke.