Rethinking Well-proportioned

All women know that the female X chromosome comes with an “I hate the way I look!” gene superglued to its molecular structure?

As a young woman, I was unhappy with what I saw in the mirror. I thought the big things should be smaller and the small things should be much bigger.

Recently, I have changed my mind.

I found an article about some scientific studies that have made a connection between pockets of fat in certain body types and various health conditions. These studies claim that people’s fat zones can predict health issues as they age.

For example: People who are apple-shaped, who carry their big macs and hot fudge sundaes in a tire around their tummies, have an increased likelihood of developing restless legs syndrome.

Nice to know, but it doesn’t really concern me.

The studies also concluded that middle-aged, mental “fog” . . . that cloud that covers women’s thought processes and causes us to forget where we put our car keys, what we named our children and why we married our husbands . . . is more often found in women who are pear-shaped, like me.

This, I consider good news! I don’t have early Alzheimer’s Disease! I just have a few too many chips and pies carbo-padding my hips and thighs.

Hallelujah and pass the chocolate cobbler!

Speaking of thighs, Danish researchers found that the thinner a person’s thighs, the greater the risk for heart disease and premature death.

Again, good for me!

Kinda makes all you chicken-legged, health nuts want to kick off your $200 sneakers and burn your sports’ bras, doesn’t it?

What fat deposit protects a woman from heart disease? According to a study conducted at Oxford University, it is . . . and I quote, “A little junk in the trunk”. That study suggests that the lower-body fat in your thighs, hips, and buttocks traps fatty acids from the foods you eat so they don’t float through your bloodstream and get deposited in organs where they can do harm.

I’d like to throw out a big-bootied “Thank You” to the English dudes. They have empowered my buttocks to sit with renewed strength and to trap those little, fatty acids within the boundaries of my cushioned, reading chair.

And . . . here is my favorite finding. Researchers at Harvard University and the University of Toronto found that the bigger a woman’s chest, the greater her risk for type 2 diabetes later in life.

To all the girls who were well-proportioned in high school, I’d like to say . . .

Ha!

Let me say that again.

Ha!!

Ha ha ha ha haha ha!

It looks like those of us on The Itty Bitty Titty Committee get the last laugh.

First published July 16, 2012