January Diet: I Usually Have Mine With a Big, Fat DIE and a Little Tea.

Did you know that the think-tank guys who graduated in the bottom half of their think tank classes and didn’t qualify to think about the tanking economy, world hunger or nuclear disarmament have thought instead that we should declare the month of January to be National Diet Month?

If this is the same January that follows November’s Thanksgiving holiday and December’s Christmas season, then I’ve got a little thought to throw back at them.


I don’t need a calendar to tell me that it is time to end the two month Gala of Gluttony, clean the feast out of my fridge and stop eating puppy chow mix for breakfast. (Since the two major ingredients in puppy chow are crispix and powdered sugar, I figure it is basically a sugared cereal and therefore, a perfectly legitimate breakfast food.)

The waist choking, butt binding, hip crushing things going on in my jeans at this time every year do a dandy job of letting me know that it is time to diet.

The first week of January, I procrastinated and didn’t do anything to lose weight other than to sleep through breakfast on New Year’s Day.

I didn’t procrastinate during the second week of January. I just decided to wait a few more days before seriously trying to slim down.

I began to diet last week. I joined an online fitness program, exercised regularly, counted a few calories and gained two pounds.

This week, I’m pondering the validity of National Diet Month. With some research, I have found that January is also National Bath Month, National Mail Order Gardening Month and National Dried Plum Breakfast Month . . . which I believe is just a more appealing name for National Prune Month.

So, it seems that January just doesn’t have the muscle to motivate me. A little more research has told me that February is Wise Health Consumer Month, Return Shopping Carts to the Supermarket Month, and National Boost Your Self-Esteem Month.

If I wait until February to begin a weight loss program, I should be able to consume some smarter snacks, get a little exercise at Walmart and boost a few things. Self-esteem isn’t really at the top of my list but I’ll take what I can get.