I’m Just SAD

After experiencing several weeks of general lethargy and sluggishness brought on by a lack of energy that borders on acute blah-nemia, I researched my symptoms on the internet. Its seems that I have Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), a chronic condition brought on by the dreary days, the depressive nights and the debilitating temperatures of winter.

SAD has taken every positive thought and pleasurable emotion that might have allowed me to enjoy February and siphoned them off with a slushy spoon-straw and a bug sucking sound; leaving me . . . well . . . sad.

And apparently, it is a life threatening disease, because it has caused me to threaten the lives of my husband, my children, and every other shortsighted simpleton who spent July and August praying for a long winter.

The symptoms of SAD are boredom, depression, lethargy and muddled thinking.

Now, there’s some good news. I’m going to underline the words, “muddled thinking” with a wide-tipped marker and superglue them to my competency file. When the nice people in white coats ask me why I can’t remember what I was going to say, or why I entered the room or where I put my children, I’ll assure them that I am not losing mind. I’m just a SAD person.

The information I read said that people with Seasonal Affective Disorder also tend to crave sweets.

Well there’s a literal and figurative big, fat “DUH”. I am positive that this new and enlightening bit of information was written by a man. Every woman alive has known since entering puberty that the natural treatment for problems related to boredom and depression is chocolate.

Now, you probably wonder, as did I, how does one begin to recover from SAD? Well, according to the doctors at the mayo Clinic, arguably some of the best educated and most qualified physicians in the world, the preferred way to reduce the lethargy and depression caused by the dreary and dark days of winter is . . . to get more sunshine.

That inane advice has caused me to doubt the validity of much of what I’ve been told by a professional with a stethoscope hanging around his/her neck.

Therefore, I am officially asking for a partial refund on all my medical expense payments for the last 10 years.