Cool Counts

My almost-teen daughter, who used to think that I was the bestest, smartest person in her world, spent some time last week hanging out with three other almost-teens.

Coincidentally, I was much dumber that day . . . and way less cool.

In an effort to raise my adolescent-cool rating for last Tuesday, I’d like to submit the following information.

• I totally remembered to keep my phone with me all day. I butt dialed my doctor’s office and had to fish it out of the toilet at one point, but, by golly, I held onto the thing . . . which was kinda gross and a bit of a health issue after the toilet bowl incident.
• I kept track of time with my cell phone that day . . . cause my watch died. I was teenager-cool. I was also 12 minutes late to everything because the time on my phone is wrong and I don’t know how to fix it. (unteenager-cool)
• I watched an episode of “Say Yes to the Dress” without suggesting to my all-caught-up-in-the-show daughters that the woman who was weeping over the placement of a bow should, in my opinion, get a life and let it go!
• I laid out by the community pool with 3-4 days of leg-hair growth. Leg hair is Tres (french word meaning “very” and pronounced “tray” . . . unless you are from West Kentucky where it is pronounced “ta-ray-e”) European. Everyone finds Tres European to be very cool . . . everyone except, perhaps, my husband.
• I spent the day listening to four pre-teen girls say the word “like” 15 times in every sentence. My eyes glazed over. My stomach tightened. My blood pressure nearly blew my head apart. And yet, I did not jap slap any of them or wash out their mouths with soap for using stupid, four letter words.
• I watched the same girls come home from swimming to shampoo, condition, gel, spritz, style, straighten, curl and angst over their hair in preparation for a night at the drive-in where they would eat burgers on the ground and play in a ditch . . . without devoting a very long and sarcastic blog post to the absurdity of the situation.

Personally, I think that my “cool” rules!

First published July 9, 2012.